"Everyone carries around in the back of
his mind the wreck of a thing he calls
his education." —Stephen Leacock
Here's a nice thought we can save:
The luckiest thing about sex
Is: you happen to be so concave
In the very same place I'm convex.
Your thighs always blossomed like orchids,
You had rose hips when we danced,
But the question that always baffled me was:
How can I get into those plants?
Diversification's a virtue,
And as one of its multiple facets,
when we're merging, it really won't hurt you
To share your disposable assets.
Russian you would be deplorable,
But your Lapland is simply Andorrable
So my Hungary fantasy understands
Why I can't keep my hands off your Netherlands.
Alexander composed like the Pope,
Swift was of course never tardy,
And my Longfellow's Wildest hope
Is to find you right next to my Hardy.
If E is how eager I am for you,
And m is your marvelous body,
And c means the caring I plan for you,
Then E = Magna Cum Laude.
You're my favorite tune, my symphony,
So please do me this favor:
Don't ever change, not even a hemi-
King Arthur, betrayed by Sir Lancelot,
Blamed the poets who'd praised him, and spake:
"That knight's nights are in the Queen's pantsalot,
So from now on your art's for Art's sake."
I couldn’t do Goyas or Grecos,
And my Rembrandts had zero panache,
But after I junked all my brushes,
My canvases made quite a splash.
1. Blaise Pascal
Pascal, reflecting tearfully
On our wars for the Holy Pigeon,
Said, "Alas, we do evil most cheerfully
When we do it for religion."
2. René Descartes
The unruly dactyls and anapests
Were thumping their wild dithyrambic
When Descartes with a scowl very sternly stressed:
"I think, therefore iambic!"
3. Thomas Hobbes
Better at thinking than loving,
He deserved his wife's retort:
On their wedding night, she told him, "Tom,
That was nasty, brutish – and short!"